


Bound

by Carissiima



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, castiel - Freeform, castiel x reader - Freeform, castiel/reader - Freeform, reader - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-10
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2019-01-15 12:08:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12320781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carissiima/pseuds/Carissiima
Summary: (Castiel x Reader) You're living your life, peacefully and contently, when the Winchesters and their angel find themselves in your town, hunting down a coven.





	Bound

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I literally have not finished a fic in two years and here I am ? With a 20k Cas fanfic? I love my baby. Anyways, this is disgustingly unbeta-d. Enjoy! I do not own SPN or any of it's characters/plots.

    You were normal. Normal and happy and content and satisfied and every other damn synonym in the goddamn dictionary. Four months from graduating, eight months from medical school, 4 years from becoming your dream with your mother and father and darling little brother as your support system. You were sweet and you were kind. You were confident and optimistic. More so, you were glad to be alive and excited for where your life was going, who you were going to be, who you were becoming.  
    Then one day, one perfectly normal Thursday afternoon you got up after a nap to the sound of a thump in the bedroom beside yours. Your parents bedroom to be exact. It continued and the sound of a struggle got you up from your warm bed. Groggy and disoriented you padded on over in your pajamas, throwing your hair up in a messy bun. You knock on the door, calling out for your mother. Another thump. You call out again, a little more worried now that no one replied. Suddenly, a scream echoes from underneath the door and all tiredness flew from your body. You started banging on that door a little harder with a little more fervor, turning the skin on the side of your hand red.   
    “Mom?! Dad?!” You screamed. You reached for the brass door knob and jiggled it only to find it locked.  
    “Y/N! Run!” Your fathers voice had answered. There was another crash and some sort of growl from the other side. “Take your brother and run!” He yells desperately.  
Your heart pounds in your chest and a million options run through your mind. You could knock again, or break down the door. Maybe you can scream for your parents, perhaps run to your little brothers room and grab him and run. You can grab the shotgun you knew your father kept in the hallway closet and blast down that fucking door to see what was going on.   
    “Y/N!!” Your mother's desperate voice screamed. “Go! Please!”  
    You went. Of course you went. Somewhere deep inside, you already knew your parents were gone and somehow a little part of you thought you could save your little brother. He was the light of your life. He was the biggest thing that kept you going. You had it all planned out the moment he was born, from the moment he was put in your arms. You already knew that the year you started making money was the year he would start going to college and you would help pay. You already knew the exact embarrassing baby pictures you would whip out when he brought his first girl home. You already knew what you were going to say at his graduation. You already knew how much you were going to love him the moment you looked in his blinking little baby eyes. So what did you do? You went.  
    It took you barely ten seconds to go into your brothers room and grab him away from the model airplane set he was putting together. The part that fell from his hand clattered onto the floor, breaking into multiple pieces. Model building; it was his new hobby. He was so bright, he went through something every few months and you supported him each time, buying whatever supplies or instrument he was into that season.  
    “Y/N?” He asked, clearly confused. You looked into his eyes, hoping to instill the sense of urgency in him that you have in you. “What’s up?”  
    “Let’s go, now.” You said, dragging him out of that bedroom with the glue still in his hands. He listened, followed you without another question. He was good like that, so smart. He knew when to listen, he knew when to fight. He was so good. Looking back on it now, it breaks your heart.  
    The hallway was suddenly hot, far too hot for a fall afternoon. It took you just a moment to turn your head to the right, and then to the left, and that’s when you saw it there. It was dripping in blood, your parents blood, you thought. Feral, angry, emanating a heat and a feeling so foul it made you feel like you could have vomited right there but you don’t. Something inside you steeled, something inside you fought off the image of your parents bodies lying mangled in the bedroom they shared for decades, and you ran. 

 

    Cas remembers the day he meets you a little far too vividly. It was another hunt that the boys had asked him to help out on. Another coven somewhere in Massachusetts that were acting for their own behalves, killing innocent families to reap their souls and use it as a way to reach eternal life and beauty. The witches had used their magic to create wolf like creatures that somehow, someway could kill a human and suck the soul into it’s own body. Once the deed was done, the creature would return to the coven. There, they used a very ancient spell to convert the energy inside of a soul to a universal health potion, curing age and disease and practically turning back time.   
    “In there,” Dean said as he pulled out an arsenal from the trunk of his car. “is the next target. Mom, dad, girl and boy.” Sam beside him started loading witch killing bullets into multiple guns.   
    “How do you know this?” Cas asked.   
    “These witches go after happy people.” Sam answered. “Happy people, brighter souls, better energy, I guess.”  
    “What is the plan?” Cas inquired.   
    “We don’t know where the coven is located yet so we’re going to go in there, save who we can, and follow one of the weird ass creatures back to where it came from.” Dean slammed the trunk down loudly and slings a gun over his shoulder. “Then we gank those son of a witches.” He laughed at his own joke.  
Before Castiel could say anything else, there was a scream and they were running towards the house. Cas flew there, faster than a blink of an eye and landed in the boys bedroom. The child was no longer there and with a single sweep of his god given eyes he sees you. He watched as the seconds tick by and observes because he did not know of the creature in the hallway. He watched as you recognized the monster in the hallway, watched your eyes widened and your chest rise. He watched your hand grip your younger siblings hand tighter, and then he watched something inside you changed.  
    Cas has watched humans for ages, eons, for eternity. He thought he knew humans inside and out, could predict what every human was going to do. That scenario could have gone a million different ways, and the way it went for you was something he did not fathom. Instead of screaming and freezing on the spot, he watched you become brave. He watched as you ran and watched the monster run past the doorway.  
    Things moved fast in the world of hunters and before Cas knew it, he was in the living room downstairs, holding back the rabid creature as it tried to attack you. Your brother was beside you, his scream ringing in your eyes as you shot your fathers gun into the monster's head again and again and again. It didn’t stop growling, it didn’t stop trying to lunge at your and snap you up. It didn’t even try to bite the strange man with the blue eyes, just get out of his grip and go towards you. You didn’t know it back then but the reason the monster didn’t go for Cas was because Cas is an angels, and angels don’t even have a soul to suck up.   
    Cas remembers how your face scrunched up as you shot at the creature. He watched as Sam came from the kitchen to take hold of your arm to pull you to safety and watched as you grabbed your brothers hand. He felt his grip slip as the wolf gave a particularly strong lunge, he felt the creature's fur run past his skin and watched as your mouth opened to scream. Cas watched the monster's jaw latch onto the young boys arm, barely eleven, and Cas watched as the boy bled onto the dark red carpet, bright white soul being eaten up. Dean appeared from the side, shooting at the creature with a gun but it did no help. The only way to stop those creatures were to kill those witches. You didn’t know that back then either.  
    It took too much time to extract the creature from the young child and by the time Cas, Dean and Sam had wounded it enough for it to back off, Cas knew the child was gone. The creature saw it’s competition and felt the soul heavy in it’s stomach. It calculated it’s chances, and it ran. Cas knew Dean and Sam were going to run to catch it.  
    “Take care of her!” Dean screamed as he ran after it, Sam close behind.   
    Cas remembers your voice, remembers the desperation in the way you said your little brothers name. Wordlessly, Cas watched as you crawled over to your little brothers body, hands trembling so badly they dropped the shotgun to your side. He watched as the tears started streaming down your face, mouth open as you gathered his body in your arms, his head on your lap and staining your clothes redredred. Cas remembers thinking about humans in that moment and how much they just hurt. How much they allowed themselves to be in pain, to cry.  
    “Kelvin?” You said, not believing what you were seeing. Your hand reaches down to stroke his face, his eyes open but not living. His throat was open and his arm was  broken in a disturbing manner but you had still hoped he would answer.“Kelvin? Honey? Honey, please. Kelvin, baby, wake up. Kelvin, come on. You’re fine. You’re fine. You’re fine. You’re fine. You’re fine.”   
    Cas watched as your face contorts, realizing what just happened. He watched as your whole world came crumbling down and Cas almost remembers how he could hear your heart break in the suddenly silent household. He watched as you sob, clutching your brothers head to the crook of your neck. He watched as you lost everything you loved, everything you knew all in one night all because he let his fingers slip. He watched as you rocked back and forth, screaming your voice raw with your little brothers name.  After the second hour, even Castiel, Angel of the Lord, could not take any more. He walked towards you.  
“(Y/N).” He said, and for just a moment you had whimpered and looked up. Cas reached down, pressed two fingers to your forehead and you fell out of consciousness, pain still on your features.   
Even now, years later, Cas can still hear your screaming voice whenever there was a silence. Whenever he looked at you, he could still remember the way blood saturated your clothes, the blood that was too on his hands. Whenever he looked at you he could feel your breaking heart and maybe if he had one, he knew it would be breaking too.

 

    “Dean, fucking honestly, you have to chill!” You practically scream, sliding into the car and slamming the car behind you. You wince as your leg twinges, the cut from the sick son of a bitch vamps making itself known now that the adrenaline was gone.  
    “Don’t take it out on Baby just because you can be a real dumb bitch sometimes, (Y/N)!” He screams back, throwing the bag of ammo at you in the backseat. You catch it with a grunt and push it to the side. “Honestly? Cutting yourself to distract him? Fucking stupid.”  
    “Dean.” Sam chastises, sighing. “We got the job done okay? Vamps, gone. Us, not dead. Everythings fine, stop yelling at each other.” Dean grumbles something about you never being careful as he starts up the car and you roll your eyes.  
    “Well it gave Sam enough time to get you out of chains so you can shut the fuck up and maybe, oh I don’t know, thank me.” You snap, feeling very very bitchy. He turns around to reverse the Impala and takes the opportunity to flip you off. You roll your eyes at him.  
It had been a bad day, a pretty bad day even in hunter terms. Starts off with you falling the goddamn shower and banging up your thigh real bad. Then you get kidnapped, then you get tortured, then Dean can’t shut his fucking flapping trap for more than three seconds so you can just calm down.  
    You sit in the backseat of the impala and wince as you lean back into the seats. Your cut up leg hurts, your bruised leg hurts, your head hurt and the vampire bite on your shoulder hurts. Then it hurts every time Dean hits a bump and it hurts even more when he turns. You can’t even sleep on the way back to the motel. It’s just Sam and Dean bickering and you hurting. Absentmindedly, you wonder where your guardian angel is.  
    You can barely remember the first few months after your family died. It was a blur after Castiel pressed his fingertips to your forehead and gave you the bliss of sleep. You had woken up the next day, screaming and crying and in the back of someone's car. You were inconsolable and all you did was scream for your brother, for you family, for your old life. Cas put you to sleep. He put you to sleep dozens of times actually, and it wasn’t until the third month that you woke up with no tears.   
    Cas was there. He was sitting beside your bed, looking at you with a concern that you had never seen before. His eyebrows were scrunched together, a five o clock shadow on his face. He said your name the very same way he said it the first time, and it almost breaks you all over again but you kept it together. You just look up at him with dead eyes, waiting for him to speak again. He was unrattled, unshaken. He was wearing that same trenchcoat and suit that always seemed to be pressed and starched.  
    “(Y/N).” Castiel had said. “Your family is dead and you are currently in a safe bunker with Sam and Dean Winchester. We did our best to eradicate the coven that targeted you family but sadly, one witch escaped. I had felt like it was not intelligent to leave you in your home in the state you were in, considering the surviving witch may come for you. The world presumes you are dead so we have been taking care of you. I am sorry, (Y/N).” It should have hurt, the words he said, and so bluntly too, but everything had hurt so bad for so long that the words barely even stung.   
You didn’t speak that first day you were coherent enough to even realize you were alive. You didn’t speak for a few more weeks after that but Cas was there whenever you woke up. Always there bringing you water, a peanut butter and fluff sandwich, new pajamas, a touch that put you to sleep when you wouldn’t stop screaming. Always there with a warm hand wiping away your tears and sweat and sweet words to remind you that you were safe. Then one day you asked him if there was a shower around and he actually smiled at you. He smiled at you and just for a split second when your vision was flooded with blue eyes and dreamy dark hair, everything didn’t hurt. That’s probably when your little crush started to manifest as well. You couldn’t help it. He was handsome and sweet and caring and was the first face you saw after the tragedies of your life. You were only human.   
That was two years ago and the Winchesters, out of pity or guilt or whatever, had taken you in. They taught you the family ways and by now, you were kinda half as good. You could fight a little bit, like Dean, and you could dig up information a little bit like Sam, but you guess the best thing you did for the two was being bait. It’s kind of nice being expendable.  
They didn’t mean for it to be that way, and you’ve fought with the oh-so-noble brothers on more than one occasion. The plans always worked like you knew they would, and you weren’t dead yet so you kept going. This past particular plan worked like a charm considering what vampire could resist a pretty girl with red painted lips and a dress so little it practically wasn’t there?  
    “You’re hurt.”  
    “Oh, fuck, Cas!” You yell, flinching away from the figure that’s suddenly in your personal space. The angel had appeared, like he usually does after a hunt but usually, he waits till you're back at the bunker or the hotel. Your pounding heart slows down after you see Cas and you pat your chest, trying to take in deep breaths. You watch as his eyes flicker from your face to your hand to your chest and you realize what you look like. Short dress, tits out, blood pouring out of you like a fountain. Kinda like a prostitute that almost just got murdered.  
    “I’m sorry, (Y/N).” He says. “I merely felt your distress. You are in pain.” The words are sweet and they make you happy. A small smile spreads on your lips but thankfully the blush doesn’t come.  
    “Me too, Cas.” Dean quips. “But I guess I don’t matter anymore.” Sam rolls his eyes and presses a towel to a particularly harsh cut on his bicep. That was definitely going to scar but at least he wasn’t complaining.  
    “(Y/N) has been afflicted a considerable amount of damage, compared to you, Dean.” Castiel answers. “She needs my help.”  
    “I’m fine, thanks.” You say, giving him a bigger smile. “It’s honestly not that bad. Just looks real nasty.”  
    He doesn’t respond. Merely raises his hand, pointer finger and middle finger together and holds them up. You’ve had dreams about his fingers, wet ones obviously but also ones where he strokes your face and kisses your lips and wraps his arms around your waist. Could a girl be blamed? Handsome angel saves your life one night while everything else around you changes. Dreamy, blue eyed, dark haired angel stays at your bedside for months on end, making sure you’re comfy as you come to terms with your new life. Sweet strange man in a trenchcoat that you sometimes find looking at you with a look that comes from pity, but you welcome it anyways. Quiet, stoic, hot angel with a voice like cars driving over gravel that makes you weak in the knees. A girl really, really, really can’t be blamed if feelings start to exist.   
Castiel waits for you to deny him or give him consent and so you lean your head forward and you close your eyes. In a moment you feel his fingertips, warm and familiar press onto the creased skin of your forehead. His grace flows through you, making its way into every atom and cell and heals you. It kind of feels like...like a warm bubble bath but ten times better; the water never gets cold and the bubbles never go away. Makes you feel warm and safe and whole. When you open your eyes again, you glance down to your previous cuts and bruises. They’re gone and your skin is perfectly healed, not a single scar or freckle or pockmark in sight.  
“Thank you, Cas.” You say, giving him a warm smile.  
“Of course, (Y/N).” He says your name like it’s his job, heals you like it’s his god-given duty. Well, kinda is you guess? Being Angel of the Lord and whatnot. Even so, you let it warm you, let yourself believe that he chooses to find you after every single hunt and heal you just because he wants to. In a moment he’s gone, off doing important angel duties you suppose and you’re left once again, alone in the backseat of the Impala. Now with less pain, you lay down and stretch your legs out, careful not to scuff the leather seats. Dean turns up the music, Sam sighs and leans back, and you drift off into a dreamless sleep until you reach the motel.

 

    “Dibs on the shower!” Dean shouts, dropping his shit on the floor of the motel room. He practically sprints to the shower and you can’t blame him. Regular blood in all your nooks and crevices was extremely uncomfortable, nevermind vampire blood. You kick off the heels you had on and crumple onto a bed, most likely staining it with whatever was left on you but you don’t care. You’re exhausted. The bag with all your things fell over the side and slides down to the floor with a thwump.  
    “You good, (Y/N)?” Sam asks you as he peels off his dirty jacket and flannel. What came out was nothing more than a muffled sound considering your face was plastered into the comfortable bed. “You should take the bed tonight.” He continues “You really helped us.”  
    “Nah, you boys did most of the grunt work.” You reply, rolling over to your back and grabbing a pillow to put under your head. “We can share. Rather sleep with you than with Dean.” Sam laughs and starts looking for clean clothes from his bag. Out of the corner of your eye you see Cas standing a bit awkwardly in the middle of the bedroom, eyes on you. For a moment you saw his blue eyes darken into something like molten sapphire. Before you can shoot him a smile or a wink, he looks away, eyes casting towards the ground.  
    “Sam, would you like me to heal you?” Castiel asks, walking over the the younger Winchester.  
    “I’m alright, Cas, thanks.” Sam claps Castiel on the shoulder twice as he walks by him in a friendly manner and Castiel nods. “Dean is fine too.”  
    “Then I will get going.” Cas is gone before you can say goodbye and you sigh. What a strange man. A hot man, but a strange one nonetheless. You wish he would stay a little longer, always wished he would stay a little longer.  
    Sam lets you shower after Dean and you’re grateful. The hooker dress falls to the floor and pools in a dirty bloody heap. You pull the hair tie out of your head and feel the oil weighing down the strands. The water was still running, still hot and you step underneath it face first. With a sigh you start to soap up, trying to clear your head of everything. Red tinted water and bits of dirt fall to the bottom of the tub. This is the life, you guess, as you start to wash your hair with whatever was left of the little baby soaps Dean used before you. Going around with boys, hunting monsters, killing things. Get blood and guts and glory. You barely remember what it was like to wake up and go to classes and spend all night in the library. You don’t even remember what it was like to flirt with the cute boy from your biology class and drink a rum and coke with your old friends. It’s just this now.   
    When you leave the shower Sam takes your place and you hear Dean already snoring like a truck. In one of their oversized t-shirts and some shorts you crawl into the second twin bed, leaving as much room as possible for Sam. Sleeping with Sam in the same bed as you was way better than sleeping in Deans bed. Dean is just too much of a damn cuddler while Sam slept like an unmoving corpse.   
    Before you closed your eyes to go to sleep, you reach down into the bag and pull out a small photo album. When you were finally walking and talking again you asked Castiel to take you back to your home. There, you grabbed clothes and shoes and the things you knew you couldn’t live without. Your favorite pajamas, a ratty little stuffed rabbit you’ve had since you were a babe, and pictures. The pictures. You flip through them now, reminding yourself and your humanity of what you had.  
    A picture of you sitting on your mothers hospital bed, holding your little brother in your arms when he was just ten hours old. A picture of him at two, smiling and bright in a baby’s swing set, coming at you. A picture of your mother holding an apple that was still attached to the tree, biting into it as she laughed. Your father as he stood in front of his thriving garden, hands on his hips, pride on his cheeks. Little precious family moments that you had taken for granted way back then that were gone now. Forever.  
    The ache in your chest begins to throb and you shut the photobook. It goes under your pillow and you place a hand on it, getting ready to go to bed. Images and sounds flash through your head of a life you used to live. A part of you aches for it. A part of you is glad you don’t have it anymore. If you had stayed in that life, what would you have become? Another student in school, another doctor in debt till they’re fifty? Here, you’re saving people, people that were like you and if you could prevent what happened to you happening to other people? It’s a life you would rather have.  
    

 

    It’s a little bit before dawn when Castiel knows you’re awake. He doesn’t know if you realize you’re connected to him. When an angel spends that much grace on someone, for that long of a time, a bond is formed. Nothing too serious, not like mind reading or stalking, just a general knowledge of your well being. He has the same bond with Sam and Dean considering the amount of times he’s put those boys back together again. He poofs up next to you as you lean forward on the balcony right outside of your motel room. You flinch as he appears, shaken for only a moment.  
    “Morning, Cas.” You say, giving him a small smile. He nods at you, face bare of emotion. He takes in early morning you, messy hair and crinkled t-shirt all the same. It falls a little longer than the shorts you wore underneath, giving the illusion of you being half naked. It makes his lower stomach coil with something warm but he ignores it and speaks to you instead.  
    “Good morning. It is very early.” He states. “You should rest more.”  
    “Four hours of sleep is more than enough.” You reply with a smirk. “For hunters and students.”  
    “Are you having trouble sleeping?” Cas asks, head tilting, worry blossoming. “Would you like me to help you?”  
    “I’m okay, Cas.” You answer, bringing your hands up to run along your bare arms. It was still a little cold and you could feel the texture of your goosebumps rising on your skin. “You know, you don’t have to keep doing this.”  
    “Doing what?” He responds. His eyes flicker to your motions and registering you are cold, he takes off his trenchcoat. He’s seen it happen on television before, and though those movies usually ended up with the main characters kissing goodnight, he doesn’t expect that from you. You wait with a bated breath as Cas takes a step behind you and drapes the coat over your shoulders like a gentleman. Any other girl would have thought it was romantic, sweet even but you know better. It’s probably just Cas feeling guilty.  
    “Thanks, but you know, taking care of me and stuff.” You pull the coat over you tighter, reveling in the warmth left behind from his body. It smells like him, like woods and metal and the Impala. He likes the way it looks on you, dwarfing your small frame and bringing you comfort.  
    “It is my duty to take care of you, (Y/N), and the Winchesters as well.” Castiel says casually like he was just ordering his breakfast at a restaurant. He says it like it doesn’t mean the world to you. Like it doesn’t make your heart beat like a drum even though you knew it shouldn’t. This was just Cas. As if Cas, freaking Angel of the freaking Lord, would ever take a second look at you as more than a girl that tagged along the Winchester’s adventures.   
    “I’m a big girl now, Cas.” You murmur as you look away from him. The sun starts to rise over the houses that line your vision and you prop your elbow up on the balcony to place your chin on your fist. The light shines over you like a halo and if Castiel was human, his breath would have caught in his throat. He’s seen many beautiful humans but he can’t help but think that you were the most beautiful.   
“I understand.” Cas says.   
“They taught me how to take care of myself.” You continue. “I know you’re busy doing angel stuff, Cas, you don’t want to look over some weird girl who can’t sleep every once in awhile.”  
    “I do.”   
    The words make you look over to him and once again, you’re hit with blue eyes and parted lips. God, he’s handsome. He’s so handsome. For a moment you thought about how lucky Jimmy Novak’s wife is, or was. The trenchcoat and suit only did him even more good, tucked in white button up accentuating his fitness. Now without the trenchcoat you see his full frame; broad shoulders and collarbones peaking out from underneath his undershirt. Your face flushes as impure thoughts implode in your head and you kick those images way, way down.  
    “What?” You murmur. You see the sincerity in his eyes and oh god, how it makes your heart ache.   
    “I do want to take care of you.” He repeats a little more firmly this time, taking a step closer into your space. “It is my job. I brought you into this life and so, you are under my care.” It makes your heart leap to conclusions, but you pull it back. You open your mouth to say something, anything before you’re interrupted.   
    “You girls done out there?” A voice yells from the room, making you jump. “Sam wants his green smoothie of the day and I need some bacon!” You roll your eyes at Dean and then turn your gaze to Castiel.  
    “Come get breakfast with us?” You ask Castiel, smiling at him. “And maybe then, I’ll return this super warm coat.” You pull it even tighter around you, showing how much you didn’t want to give it up. For a moment you see his eyes twinkle, and then he nods. Flirting with Cas may not come to anything, but it was fun anyways.   
    He sits next to you in the car as you wear his coat to fend off the incoming fall chill. He sits on the other side of the car, remembering Deans words about personal space but selfishly you scoot closer to him. It’s cold, you said and he nods. You see Deans eyes flick to you in the rearview mirror and smirks when he sees whats going on. He’s teased you more than enough about your little crush on the angel but you don’t care. Your life has been turned upside down, and you deserve a few late night fantasies. To be honest, you’re probably in love with Cas by now. You don’t think about it. You let it be.   
    “Can I have, uhhh, a shortstack, side of eggs, sunny side up, bacon and black coffee?” Dean asks, smiling up at the waitress. The pretty little thing, your age you think, smiles back brightly and jots it down.  
    “Of course, handsome, and you?” She looks over to Sam who orders something a little healthier.  
    “Egg white omelette with green peppers, onion, no cheese and sausage, please.” He says from behind his computer. As he starts to click, she turns her head to you, no wonder doubting why plain Jane was hanging around with three playboy models.   
    “Scrambled eggs, toast and some fruit if you have any.” You order. The waitress next turns to Cas and flips her hair over her shoulders.  
    “And then, best for last. What can I do for you, sugar?” She says sweetly. Cas’ eyebrows furrow together and you anticipate his answer.   
    “I am not any kind of sugar.” He responds. “Do I look like glucose to you?” You snort as the waitress backs off and Sam shifts uncomfortably.  
    “Just a coffee for him.” You say, handing the girl your menus. “Thanks.”  
    “Honestly, Cas. Can’t take you anywhere.” Dean grumbles, leaning back into the diner seat.   
    “I do not know why humans call humans other names than what they are.” Cas answers. “Baby, sweetheart, sugar. It does not make sense to me.”  
    “They’re terms of endearment, Cas.” You answer. “When you love someone, you wanna let them know.”  
    “Then why does Dean call his vehicle ‘baby’?” You laugh at that.  
    “Because Dean’s a freak.” Dean flips you off after your answer and you return the favor.   
    “Alright, before you two start fighting, I think I’ve found another case.” Sam swivels his computer screen towards you and Cas and you read the headline out loud.  
    “Family in Buffalo, New York, slaughtered by wolves in their home at midday.” You say to the group. Suddenly your throat twists up and your hands turn into fists on the wooden table top. “Sounds a little familiar.” You murmur, wringing your hands on the table.   
    “You think it’s the surviving witch?” Dean asks Sam. Sam nods.The waitress is back with your drinks, setting them down with a smile before she sees whats on Sam’s computer screen.   
    “I’ve read up on some singular ‘wolf’ attacks, but this time she’s gone for a whole family.” Sam says once the waitress leaves. “She might have rebuilt the coven.”  
    “Well, we’re going to New York then!” You chirp. “I’ve always wanted to see the Statue of Liberty. I hear they have really good hot dogs too.”  
    “No, (Y/N).” Dean says, sipping his coffee. “You’re too close to this and won’t be thinking right. You’re not coming because for you it’s going to be empty revenge.”  
    “Oh, and you going to hunt for Azazel after it killed your mom was what, for fun?” You sass back. Deans eyes steel as he looks at you, the green getting darker at the mention of his past.   
    “I think what Dean is trying to say,” Sam steps in. “is that this witch might have a vendetta out for you. It’s gonna be more dangerous than us going to wipe out any other witch.”  
    “I don’t give a fuck.” You tell them. “I’m coming with you, or going on my own. You choose.”  
    “I am coming too.” Cas says from beside you.  
    “Fine, guess we’ll call you when we need you.” Dean grumbles. Cas doesn’t say a word before he disappears.   
When the waitress comes back with your food, the air has changed. When you reach forward for your toast, the large cuff of Castiel’s coat becomes visible. You realize he hasn’t even tried to take it back, or give you a chance to return it. You wear it all the way to New York, dreaming of what could have been if Castiel had met you in a different way. If he had met you on the streets or at your campus, if he was human and witches weren’t real. You dreamt how you would bring him home, blue eyes and fumbling hands to meet your parents. You dreamt of how things could have been different, but they weren’t, and now you’re on your way to murder a heinous witch. 

 

    She was beautiful.  
    You half expected her to be an old hag, warts and missing teeth and wrinkled skin and all but she wasn’t. She was freaking pretty, with flaming red hair and eyes even greener than Dean’s. She was petite with long legs and curves all over. You expected to hate her, you’ve been waiting for this for so long. But staring at her now, with your knife pressed to her throat, all that flowed through you was exhaustion.   
    “Why us?” You ask her in a small voice. She laughs, hands gripping your wrist. Getting to this position was easier than you thought it would be. You imagined she would fight, go down screaming, but she didn’t. She had watched you walk into the room, and merely stood there as you attacked her. It was too easy.   
    “Because, my dear,” She drawls, eyes hardening. Even her voice was sickeningly sweet, like when you drowned your waffles in maple syrup. “You were happy. And everybody knows, happy souls taste the best. Especially that sweet, sweet little boy.” You press your knife a little harder to her skin, drawing blood. She smiles disgustingly at you as you feel the tears prick your eyes. That should have been it. It should have given you closure.  
    “Finish her.” Dean says from behind you. “Come on, just do it so we can go home (Y/N).” He sounds tired and by god, so are you. It had taken days to get here. You haven’t slept for any of it, way too wired up. Her sisters were dead, and she was the last one, and Sam and Dean knew that she was yours.   
    “I’m going to kill you.” You inform her in a whisper.  
    “Do it.” She snarls back. “You’ve killed everything else, everything I love. I have nothing to live for. I took your family from you, you take my family from me, right?” The witch gives a sharp bark of a laugh in your face, her breath warm and too human. “I’m surprised you haven’t killed yourself yet.”  
    “You did not take my family from me.” You let her know. “You merely gave me a new one.”   
    With a single motion you slit her throat. She gurgles and laughs at the same time as her warm blood splashes on your cheeks and seeps in between your fingertips. You thought you would feel happier, but that same fucking weight on your chest is still there, and that same fucking sight of your family slaughtered is still plastered on the back of your eyelids and--  
    “(Y/N)?”   
    That voice. It’s too high pitched to be any of the guys and it’s too sweet to be anyone's but his. It causes the blood to rush to your head and your heart to constrict. Slowly you turn around and you see him, standing there enveloped in white light, glue bottle still in his hand.  
    “Hey baby.” You say, voice cracking. There he is, your baby brother. Castiel is standing next to him, holding his free hand as your little brother looks at you. He’s wearing the same exact clothes from two years ago, his hair hasn’t changed and neither has his face. It looks like him but not really him.   
    “She did not use his soul.” Castiel says. “I found it in an enchanted vial made to trap him inside. I was going to let him up to heaven, but he said he wanted to say goodbye.”   
    The knife in your hand clatters to the floor as you take a step towards your little brother. He smiles at you and walks in your direction, pulling Cas with him. You reach forward, hands trembling, afraid to touch him with your blood stained fingertips, afraid he would disappear if you got too close.   
    “Are you okay?” He asks you. “Do you need me to do anything for you?” You shake your head, smiling, tears falling freely now as you get on your knees in front of him. You reach forward to touch his face, but instead of touching warm solid skin you feel tingling air.   
    “His body is not corporeal.” Cas explains softly. “This is just his soul manifesting in the image he wants you to see.”  
“I’m okay, honey.” You say to him after a pause, hands falling to your lap. They grip at your thighs, knuckles turning white. All you wanted to do was embrace him. “Are you? Are you hurting?” He shakes his head.  
“You don’t have to hurt anymore either.” He says to you. “I know you’ve been blaming yourself.”   
“I should have protected you.” It came out as a broken whisper. “I said I would take care of you.”  
“It’s okay.” He gives you a bright smile, so bright it breaks you. “I’m okay now. I’m going to go see mom and dad in a bit. Castiel says I can go see them if I want.” A sob escapes your throat as you nod.  
“Let them know I love them. I love you.” You say. You’re crying so hard now you can’t breathe, tears constantly falling and nose blocked up with snot.  
“We love you too, (Y/N).” He says. He looks up to Castiel and gives the angel a nod. Castiel lets go of his hands, and then his form starts to fade. He looks back at you. His eyes are clear and beautiful. He reaches forward to touch your cheek, and you lean into it as a goodbye. His soul fades into a wisp that floats upward, disappearing into the concrete ceiling.   
You finally feel light, light and heavy all at the same time. You double over, painful screams ripping out of your throat. Your palms press into your eyes as you cry, not caring about Sam or Dean staring at your moment of destruction. Is your heart breaking again? You’re not sure. Did it ever return to being whole? You don’t know how long you stayed there on that dirty basement floor, moisture soaking into your knees.   
All you can feel is sadness and relief as Cas wraps his arms around you. You screams dwindle into sobs. You’re grateful when he doesn’t say anything and just holds you in his arms. He lifts you up bridal style and you cry into his throat. Hazily you register that he’s moving and then you smell the leather of the impala. Cas slides into the seat with you on his lap, one warm hand on your waist and the other on your thigh. You legs swing over the length of the back seat, boots scuffing the side of the Impala door. You half wait for Dean to yell at you, but he doesn’t.  
“Is she okay?” You hear Sam asks.  
“Obviously not, shut up.” Dean whisper-shouts. “Just let her let it out.”  
“She is not like you two.” Cas grumbles. You feel the vibration of his throat as he speaks and it causes you to grip at his shirt as you cry. He drapes his coat over you and strokes your temple with his thumb. “She feels her emotions, doesn’t let them destroy her. Just give her time.” He rubs your back and tucks your head underneath his chin, allowing you to feel safe and warm. You merely soak his collar with snot and wrinkle the front of his shirt, no double making his legs numb from your weight on his lap.   
It wasn’t that much time. You stopped crying around halfway back to the motel, fifteen minutes or so and with that came the embarrassment of literally sitting on Castiels dick. With a shaky breath you extract yourself from him by first sitting up, swiping at the tears still falling on your cheeks.  
“I’m--I’m good now, Cas.” You say, head hung, eyes staring at your wringing hands. “Thanks.”  
“It’s my job.” He responds. Somehow you find the courage to look up to your savior, the angel, and find him looking at you back. Blue eyes gaze at you with concern, maybe even care and it’s too much.  
“I can, uh, get off of you now.” You demonstrate by trying to scramble off of him, only to succeed in somehow kneeing him in his manly parts.   
“(Y/N).” Cas says in a strained voice as you gasp. “That was painful.” His face contorts in pain and his hands reaches forward to grip Sams seat.   
“Oh fuck, I’m sorry!” You say. Dean laughs from the front and you reach over to hit him on his shoulder. “Not funny!”   
“You just kneed an angel in the dick, it’s pretty funny.” Dean snickers. He gets a hard look from Sam but Dean just shrugs. “I punch Cas all the time and he doesn’t seem to feel it, but it’s good to know even angels will feel the pain of getting their nuts crunched.”  
“D-Do you need ice?” You ask him, ignoring Dean’s comments. “I think the motel has ice.”  
“I will be alright.” Castiel clears his throat and lowers his hand to look at you. “What matters is if you are okay.”  
“Yeah, I’m fine. I need a drink but I’m fine.” You laugh a bit and lean back to the seat.  
“Let’s get a drink.” Sam suggests, turning around. “I think you deserve it.”  
Hell fucking yeah you did. Plus, a bar definitely had ice.

 

Cas wonders when they should have stopped you. Was it after the third drink? Fourth? Definitely after the fifth at least but whenever Cas tried, Dean shot him a look. Dean knew what you needed; to get fucking drunk. Who doesn’t after what you just went through? Dean was right, you needed to get drunk at least once and hell were you drunk.   
“I honestly think that they need to stop making Spiderman movies,” You argue with Dean. “And Batman movies! You literally can only tell the same damn story so many times.”  
“Take that back, Batman is a classic!” Dean says back, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Why do we have to stop making Batman movies just because you can’t appreciate the beauty of the Batmobile?!”   
“You two can’t get any worse.” Sam rolls his eyes as he nurses his second beer. Cas looks down at his own drunk that he has only taken a few sips of. He didn’t really taste it, just drinking it for the social etiquette.   
He watches as you drink your rum and coke, preferring the hard liquor over beers. You were flushed from chest to temple, eyes twinkling from intoxication as you laugh at Dean who had just dribbled nacho cheese over his favorite black tee. You had changed and showered back at the motel as well, now sporting black leggings, ankle boots with a heel and a pretty flowing gray camisole. It dips low in the back which would have been fine if you had kept wearing your jacket but now with the heat and the drinks, you had stripped it off.   
Cas knew there were men in the bar looking at you, leering at you more accurately. It did not bother him, he knew you were not interested in them. In the two years he had known you, you have not had any kind of relations. It surprised Cas, not because he thought you were going to be promiscuous, but because you are beautiful to him. Not even Dean, who is known to hit on anything that moves, has tried anything on you. Tonight is no different. He could hear the way they talk about you, feel their lecherous intentions. At least they were not brave enough to come near you with three grown men in your company.  
“I think I need to vomit.” Dean suddenly says, leaning forward.  
“Whoa, not on me!” You say, hopping off the bar stool. You head spins and you wobble a bit, giggling. Castiel is your rock, hands coming out to steady you. His fingers are warm on your bare skin, hold you from behind by your shoulders.  
“Are you alright?” He asks. The voice is deep and dark, almost causing you to swoon.  
    “Juuust fine.” You answer. Cas leads you back to your seat and helps you hop onto it, making sure you don’t fall.   
“Come on.” Sam says, shaking his head. “You’re grown Dean, you can’t handle your beers?” There was a dry heave and you laugh loudly as you watch Sam practically carry Dean out the back by the dumpster to vomit. Chuckling, you turn to Cas, shooting him a very very drunk smile.  
“How ya doing tonight, Cassie?” You ask him, picking up your drink to take a sip.  
“Maybe you should slow down.” Cas says instead of answering your question. You know he’s right, but for some reason a part of you doesn’t want to listen.  
“This is only my, like, whatever drink.” You inform him. Hearing the ridiculousness of your own statement you laugh, leaning forward a bit. It gives Cas a look down your shirt and his face barely flushes, the reason unknown to you. Someone sits down beside you and thinking it’s Dean, you turn back around smiling.  
“Hey there.” said a Not-Dean. It’s some college student with mocha skin and pretty brown eyes. He smiles at you and then flickers down to the now empty drink in your hand. “Bartender! Refill for the pretty lady over here please.” The guy looks at you and winks. “On me.”  
“Uh, no thanks.” You say politely. As drunk as you are, you aren’t stupid. “I don’t take drinks from strangers.”  
“We don’t have to be strangers.” He says to you. You can hear Cas’ trenchcoat rustle behind you as the angel stands, coming to your side.  
“Please do not bother (Y/N).” Cas says seriously.  
“(Y/N)?” The guy repeats your name but doesn’t even acknowledge Cas. “Pretty name you’ve got there. I’m Joshua, but my friends call me Josh.” You can see that he wasn’t as drunk as you, but was still intoxicated nonetheless.   
“Listen, Joshua.” You emphasize his name on purpose. “I don’t want to be bothered. I’m with friends, alright?” You start to turn away but his arm reaches out and grabs your shoulder to stop you.  
“Hey, hey, hey. Give a guy a chance!” He says, getting annoyed with your attitude. “I’m just trying to be friendly!”  
“Remove your hand.” Castiels deep voice makes you look up to him. His face was laced with anger and you knew that voice all too well. Cas’ voice is always serious, but this is super serious Cas. I’ll-kick-your-ass-to-hell-and-heaven-and-back serious.   
“Who are you, even?” Josh quips. “Some geek in a trenchcoat? It’s fall, dude.”   
“I am her protector.” Castiel answers, sending chills down your spine. “Remove your hand, Joshua, or I will remove it for you.”  
“Protector? Like her boyfriend or something?” Joshua sneers at Castiel and grips your shoulder tighter, almost painfully.  
“Remove. Your. Hand.”   
“Cas.” You say in a warning tone, knowing what he was about to do.  
“What if I don’t?” Joshua snorts. “What are you going to do?”  
Castiel doesn’t even answer, merely cocks his arm back and punches the unknowing kid in the face. You hear the nose underneath his fist crunch and your eyebrows shoot up to your forehead. It was hot, like really fucking hot. You watch Cas loom over the groaning boy, who clutching his face with both hands as blood gushed through his fingers.  
“Holy fuck.” You whisper.   
“I asked you to remove your hand thrice.” Castiel growls down at Joshua. The poor mans face was full of fear as he scrambles back on the dirty bar floor. “If this were any other day, I would pummel you until you reach the depths of hell and let the demons have their way with you.”   
“O-Okaaayyy.” You say, instantly sobering up. You look around, making sure no security was coming towards you and when you find none, you grab your jacket. “Let’s go, Cas.” You grab his hand and start walking out of the bar, a strange sort of happiness bubbling inside your chest. His fingers instinctively wraps around yours, gripping tight. He had protected you, punched a guy, broke some guys fucking nose for you. Did that mean something? It had to mean something. He doesn’t do that for Sam or Dean, just for you. Maybe it’s because you’re drunk but you’re too happy to care. You’re a girl in love and you’ll take what you can get.   
“Are you alright, (Y/N)?” Castiel asks you as you both emerge into the cold night air. Laughing you nod, holding his hand tight. He hasn’t tried to pull away yet so you hold onto him, desperate for touch.  
“Yes, I’m fine, Cas.” You smile at him and shake your head. “Why did you do that? You know I could have taken care of that guy if I wanted to.”  
“I did not want you to have anything more to worry about tonight.” His voice is so sincere that it melts you. You feel his thumb run over your knuckles and your knees could have buckled.  
“Thank you. That’s so sweet.” You say. A wash of exhaustion suddenly overwhelms you and you sigh. Holding up a facade of being okay was tiring. You want to sleep it all away. “Could we maybe head back to the motel? I’ll just text Sam and Dean.”  
“You are tired?” Cas asks. You nod. “Alright.”  
You blink and when you open your eyes, you’re both standing in the middle of your motel room. You let go of his hand and sit on the foot of your bed, sighing. You throw your jacket on the floor, keys clinking with your cellphone when they hit the ground. “Cas,” you start. “have you ever had a family?”  
“Yes.” He answers “I have lost them all in a way, as well.”   
“Does it...get better?” You shut your eyes, visions of your past blooming like they always do.   
“I do not know.” The words don’t help you but you feel the bed beside you dip with his weight. You turn to him just in time to find him swallow, Adam’s apple bobbing. “I was raised a warrior, (Y/N). I was raised with the intent to die. I’m afraid I cannot give you the answers you are searching for.” A moment passes.  
“I miss them.” You whisper. Your tears start to fall again and Cas, without hesitation, reaches up and wipes one away with his thumb.  
“I understand.” He says. Hesitantly Cas moves himself closer to you and places a hand on the small of your back, rubbing his thumb back and forth in a comforting manner. It soothes you and you lean into him, placing your temple onto his shoulder.  
“I’m just really tired.” The last word gets caught in your throat as you feel the sobs coming back up.  
“Would you like to sleep?” His hand moves so he can press his fingers to your forehead but you flinch back.  
“I want to be able to sleep the normal way, without your grace.” You explain, wiping your tears away with your hands. Your feelings start to spill out, lubricated by the alcohol.  “I want to stop hurting. I want to stop seeing them everywhere I look. I want this-this heaviness in my chest to go away so I can fucking breathe again. I want to look at things, anything and not be reminded about the night that they died and I couldn't do a fucking thing, Cas. Now they’re dead, dead and I can’t do anything about it.” You head hands as your vision spins. “God, I am so drunk right now.”  
He doesn’t respond to your little rant, instead choosing to reach for your hand. He grips it in his again. “You should go to bed.” Cas stands, bringing you with him and you let him. You fall into the pillows as his hands tug off your boots, throwing them to the floor. He grabs the blanket from the bottom of the bed and drapes it over you, up to your waist.   
“Where do you go at night?” You ask him curiously, sniffling like a child.   
“I wait outside.” He answers, going down on one knee to be at eye level with you.   
“You just, kinda stand out there? Creepy.” He smirks at your comment and looks away for a bit, towards the window.  
“It’s protect you.”  
“Stay with me tonight.” You say to him. You freeze. You meant to say us, us as in you and Sam and Dean. Not just you.  
“I’m sorry?” His head tips the side like it does when he asks questions.   
“Um, you know. Maybe it would be less lonely.” You say, face turning red. “For you.” Lies. You meant for yourself.    
“Is that what you want?” Castiel asks. Fucking hell. If you say no, why did you even ask? You have to say yes, but does that make you seem like you’re hitting on him? Are you hitting him? Kind of? Maybe? Does he know? Fuck it.  
“Yeah.” You pat the empty space behind you and smile invitingly. Cas nods and stands back up. Anything that you want, he would do. He turns around to take off his trenchcoat and you can’t take your eyes off of him as he practically strips in front of you. It’s just a damn trenchcoat, you think, but it’s a trenchcoat you’ve had dreams about. Cas walks to the other side of the bed and you turn around to face him. He sits down next to you, back to the headboard as his ankles cross on the bed sheets. You laugh and he looks at you funny.   
“What’s wrong?” He asks.  
“You can like, take off your shoes and lay down.” You say to him, fluffing up your pillow before you lay back down. “Might be your comfortable.” He nods, toeing off his shoes one by one. He lays down on his back, hands clasped on his stomach. Suddenly the angel turns to you and you’re nose to nose, too close for comfort or just close enough to be comfortable. Unable to take the intensity of his eyes you shut your own, even if this is what you’ve wanted for such a long time.  
“Goodnight, (Y/N).” He says. His voice goes straight to your heart and you gulp. You put a tamper on it, on the feelings that were fluttering inside your chest, take a deep breath and let it out.   
“Goodnight, Castiel.” It wasn’t until you were half asleep that you realized this is the first night that you have slept without the photobook underneath your head. 

Cas watches you as you sleep, in the most non-creepy way he can manage. He studies your features. You curve of your lips, the bridge of your nose, the way your lashes flutter onto your cheek. He knows you are beautiful and not just for human standards. He’s had his grace inside you, healing you and giving you peace. He’s brushed against your soul and god it was brighter, brighter than most. Something about your soul merely didn’t give up. He likes that about you.  
Those feelings confuse him. As an angel, he is not supposed to feel romantically for humans. He’s a mentor, someone to guide you and protect you. He never expected to fall for you. He does his best not to think of it too deeply, there are too many other important things to do, like save the world. There is no time to take a chance on you, especially when Cas doesn’t even know if you return his feelings. He’s observed you flirting with him before, but he’s also seen the way you act with Sam and Dean. You are too important to him to rupture the fragile happiness you have acquired. He leaves the feelings about you be, letting them do whatever they want. Castiel just never expected them to grow.  
When Sam and Dean had returned he shushed them as best as he could, gesturing towards your sleeping form. Dean snickers at the way you curl towards Castiel, fingers reaching outwards for a touch. Sam merely shoves Dean onto the only other empty bed and follows. In the wee hours of the night he lays there beside you noting that yes, this was definitely more comfortable than waiting outside in Dean’s car for everyone to awaken.   
Laying beside you gave him time to study you. The light in the bathroom had been left on even if the lights in the room were turned off. It fell upon you like a blanket, highlighting your brow bone and cheekbones. Cas studied the floating strands of hair around your face looking so soft he wanted to touch them. He did not. He did not dare wake you up, especially the longer you slept. He knew you never slept well, but to see you so rested and content now, he wishes he could do this for you every night. He doesn’t even move, not even an inch, for as long as he can  
In the midst of the night Cas finds you inching closer to him, searching for the warmth he emanates. You curl towards him, fingers reaching out to touch him in some way. Cas allows himself the luxury of touching you, reaching up and brushing your cheek with his fingertips. In your sleep you smile, Castiel still on your mind. He feels something warm bubble in his chest and he can’t stop himself from moving forward. The rustle causes you to wake up halfway, eyes fluttering open to find Cas reaching for you. It scares him that maybe he was crossing a line but soon that fear vanishes when you smile close the space between the two of you. You tuck yourself underneath Cas’ chin, arm slinging over his waist. Your leg finds it’s way to hook over his and you feel him return the embrace.   
“(Y/N)?” He whispers.   
“Warm.” You mumble, still half asleep. He hums in agreement and holds you closer. You can’t see it but he allows himself a small smile and selfishly allows himself to revel in your presence.   
Even after the sun rose you slept, for the first time in a long time. Your dreams didn’t even wake you, less nightmarish and just a little comforting. It wasn’t until ten in the morning that the rustling of Sam and Dean that your eyes opened. You’re greeted with Castiel’s chiseled jawline and his eyes looking into your own. He had actually stayed all night, allowing you to use him as a pillow. It makes you smile, the way his hair is messed up on one side and how his usually perfect shirt is wrinkled from spending the night in your bed.  
“Morning.” You murmur. “I like this a lot more than seeing you out on the balcony.” He smiles in return and sits up.   
“Good morning, (Y/N). Did you sleep well?” Yawning you sit up and nod to his question. You reach up to the sky, stretching out your muscles.  
“Slept like a freaking baby.” You answer.  
“Getting pretty chummy there, aren’t you guys?” Dean says with a smile, coming out of the bathroom. He rubs a towel at his wet hair as you roll your eyes. The sight of his best friends cuddling up in the wee hours of the morning was a bit strange, but definitely expected.  
“You were getting pretty chummy last night too, Dean.” Sam interjects with an annoyed tone. “Didn’t realize you were such a cuddle bug.” You snicker as they fight and get off of the bed.  
“Thanks for last night Cas.” You say as you start to grab your morning things. You turn back to him and give him a big smile. “I haven’t slept that well in a long time.”  
“You’re welcome.” He says. Your stomach starts to grumble, and rightfully so. The only thing you had last night was soda, liquor and bar peanuts. “Shall I go grab us breakfast?”  
“Oh my gosh, yes.” You answer. “I want pancakes!” You shut the bathroom door behind you as Sam and Dean give Cas their orders.   
Humming and feeling strangely well rested, you turn on the hot water and take off the clothes you had fallen asleep in, leaving yourself in a bra and panties. The pants had left itchy indents in your skin and you rubbed the one on your hip when you saw something shiny on your thigh. Putting your foot on the edge of your tub to inspect your left leg, you run your fingers of the silverish lines on your skin. It looked like….Enochian letters? They spiraled around your thigh like a constricting snake and looking to your other leg, there were matching words. The words landed right where thigh high stockings would end on you. Did you get these tattooed last night? Of course you fucking didn’t. The only tattoo you had was the anti-demon possession tattoo Sam and Dean made you get. Did Castiel do this? No, he couldn’t have. It was Cas.   
“What the fuck is this,” You murmur, fingers running over the words. Fear starts to course through you and before you can stop yourself, you run out of the bathroom. Sam and Dean look up from what they were doing and both had very different reactions.  
“Um, (Y/N), you’re kinda naked.” Sam says, averting his gaze. Dean just takes the chance to check you out, and on a normal day you might be a little ticked off or flattered but right now you were just confused.  
“What the fuck are these?” You ask them, ignoring Sam’s words and gesturing towards your thighs. You turn around to show them that the writing snaked all the way around, not even caring that you were baring almost your whole ass to the boys. It was just the boys. “Did you guys play some weird prank on me?” You put your hands on your hips, facing them and ready to fight if they did.   
“Huh.” is the only sound Sam makes as he walks closer to you. He drops to his knees and squints at your weird new tattoos. “That’s Enochian.”  
“Yeah, no fucking shit but why are they on me?” You run your fingers over the silvery etchings, feeling nothing but your own skin.   
“That’s freaky.” Dean murmurs, dropping down beside Sam. “Do they hurt?”  
“No, they feel like nothing.” You say. “Can you read them?”  
“I can’t read Enochian very well but Cas can.” Sam tells you.   
At the mention of his name Castiel appears and that’s when you are acutely aware of your very half naked state. His face blanks as he registers your bare skin and Sam and Dean at your feet. It probably looks strange, and probably looks a little sexual but you’re practically shaking with fear so none of that was possible. Cas still soaks it in, soaks in the curve of your hip and swell of your breasts as well as every little scar and freckle that you can see. You barely register that he’s checking you out. Self consciously you cross an arm over your chest and it seems to snap him out of his reverie.   
“Cas, um, what are these?” You asks, fingers splaying across the writings on your legs. His gaze travels down, slowly but purposefully. You feel exposed but a bit excited. That’s before you realize once again that you have weird enochian writing on your skin.   
“Enochian.” He murmurs, placing the food he got on the bed. Dean and Sam get up as Cas takes their place. His breath is warm on your skin and you feel a twinge of desire light in your stomach. You blow it out, now is not the time, body. “It’s….a spell of some sort.”  
“Um, excuse me?!” You shriek. “A spell?”  
“I can’t exactly read all of it.” Cas says. “Some of it is….hidden. I’ll have to read all of it to be able to understand the spell.” His face starts to flush and for a moment, you’re confused. But then you realize. There were words on the inside of your thighs as well and to able to read those, well….  
“Are you asking me to spread my legs for you, Cas?” You ask him, eyebrows rising.   
“Yes, I suppose.” Castiel answers without hesitation. Dean bursts out laughing from behind him and Sam shakes his head as you smirk. Flirting with Cas is fun.   
“Can you guys stop joking around?” Sam says, waving you over to lay on your bed. He throws a t-shirt at you and you pull it on, giving yourself a little more modesty. “This is weird, even for us.” You pad on over and lay down with your forearms to prop you up as Cas’s form casts a shadow over you.  
“(Y/N), I’m going to touch you now.” He says. You try to ignore how those words could be used in many other different contexts and just prepare yourself. His finger traces of the top line just barely, sending shivers up your and down your body. When he reaches the back he gently nudges you to go on your side, and so you do. After just a moment he pulls you back onto you back and cups the spot underneath your knee. Gently he moves your left leg to the side and you are so, so, so glad that you had worked a whole summer for laser hair removal on your lady parts when you were twenty. Seeing his head between your legs though, that’s definitely going in the spank bank.   
He had to continue that whole routine; moving you to the side and then to your back and lifting your leg about five times before he was finished with reading the spell. He stands and you can tell by the look on his face that this is not good. He wasn’t even blushing.  
“How long do I have?” You ask, automatically assuming you’re going to die. It kind of comes with the job.  
“The witch that you killed,” Cas starts. “She set up a very ancient spell that would be triggered when she died, and it would target her killer.”  
“Fucking hell, a curse?” Dean murmurs. “I knew I shouldn’t have let you come, (Y/N)!”  
“Oh shut it!” You answer as you sit up. “Don’t you dare do the Winchester thing and try to blame yourself for this.” You turn to Cas and suddenly lick your dry lips. “What does it do?” This is when he gets a bit uncomfortable. Cas steps back and turns around, looking at his shoes.   
“Cas?” Dean asks. “Is it gonna hurt her?”   
“It’s not going to harm her but it’s basically….a mating spell for angels.” Cas answers, not turning around.  
“Uh, what?” Sam raises his eyebrows in confusion. “I thought angels didn’t….mate?”  
“There was a very radical sect of angels that ran rampaging through earth long, long before you all were born.” Cas starts to explain, turning back around. “A sect of angels that believed that humans were worst than animals, worse than demons. They were angry that God demanded angels to be the protectors of mortals, to lay down their lives for creatures that lived for barely a century. These angels...they used their powers to bind humans to them as slaves, sometimes sexual, sometimes not, and therefore were thrown from heaven. They would treat humans worst than you can imagine. They used the spell that you have on your legs right now.”  
“I’m a fucking slave?” You say slowly. “To fucking who?!”   
“That spell is incomplete.” Cas answers. “An angel must bind you to them before the full effects of the spell become evident.”  
“Well if she’s not bound then what's the problem?” Dean says smiling. “Problem solved, right?”  
“No.” Cas gulps and looks at you, locking onto your eyes. “Those angels knew that unbound humans would try to run so they inserted a tracker onto all unbound but spelled humans. You are currently screaming with magical energy right now, pulling angels towards you. And this energy, it comes with side effects.”  
“What kind of side effects?” Sam wonders.  
“(Y/N).” Cas says. “Like I stated before, these bonds could have either been platonic or lustful. Angels of that sect fell to earth, obsessed with carnal pleasures and the need for revenge on humans. The spell the witch put on you was of the lecherous nature that comes with many added features that she must have thought of on her own.”  
“What kind of fucking features?” You say slowly.  
“Um, well, it says on your inner thigh,” Cas starts. “That the first angel you come in contact with is the only one allowed to bond with you. And until you are bonded with said angel through consummation, you will essentially act like…..like you are on an eternal cycle of estrus.”   
“Like a bitch in heat?” Dean says with disgust, face scrunching up.  
“Gee, fucking thanks, Dean.” You snap.   
“Wait. Y-You said she’s screaming with magical energy?” Sam asks, shaking his head in disbelief. “What does that even mean?”  
“That spell you have on your legs, (Y/N) is changing your soul’s energy into a beam that is cast into heaven.” Cas explains. “It affects all angels around you, calling them to you. It’s basically you screaming into the heavens, come get me. And they will try and come. They won’t be able to stop until you are bonded. I’m surprised no one has come knocking on your door yet.”   
Your head spins and your mouth is dry. “So how do I get this off? How do I stop being an angel magnet or whatever?”  
“You find an angel to bond with.” He answers, understanding what he was suggesting. “You must consummate and the beacon will dissipate.” Ah. Of course. You have to fuck an angel, and the nearest angel that might even be 1/5th willing to sleep with you is Cas. He’s also the only fucking one able to bond with you or whatever the hell that means. You try not to think about that. You think about it anyway, and images of Cas buried inside you fly to the top of your head.  
“Jesus christ.” Dean mutters, walking away, hand rubbing his cheek. “You need to fuck  Cas or the dickbag angels are gonna come swarming.”  
“There has to be a loophole.” Sam says. “There’s always a loophole.”  
“Yes there is one.” Cas answers, nodding. “The spell only affects virgins. If (Y/N) is not a virgin then the spell is useless and the markings will fade from her skin in a months time.” All three of them turn their eyes to you and instantly you go red.   
“Well unless a dildo counts, no fucking luck.” You say with embarrassment. Sam clears his throat and looks away awkwardly as Cas merely keeps his eyes on your flaming face. But Dean looks at you with disbelief.  
“Seriously?” Dean asks. “Not even once? With a real guy?” He means well, half way complimenting you considering you were pretty hot to him. You still get mad.  
“Sorry, Dean, but getting laid wasn’t exactly at the top of my lists when I was studying for my MCATs or hunting fucking monsters with you.” You snap. He holds up his hands in defeat and backs up, turning away from the rest of the group.   
“(Y/N).” Castiels serious face makes your whole body tense up. “The longer you go unbonded, the more your estrus will affect you and if left too long, you will die.”  
“How long is too long, Cas?” Sam asks.   
“I give it a week, perhaps two.”   
“Perhaps.” You laugh without humor and get up, shoving Sam and Castiel aside. “Perhaps. That’s just real fucking peachy, huh? First my family gets killed by soul sucking wolves and witches, and then I have to hunt fucking nightmares for a living, and then when I kill said witch I get fucking cursed? Perhaps. That’s just hilarious. This is my life now. This is actually my life. Per-fucking-haps. I have to lose my fucking virginity to an angel. You know, that might be kinda ironic if it weren’t so fucking ridiculous. PER! FUCKING! HAPS!”  
You knew you were getting hysterical and you knew it . You were laughing heartily now as you walk towards the bathroom. You laugh as you pull on your sleeping shorts and you laugh as you walk around the motel room and grab your shit. Laugh as you zip up your bag and laugh as they all stare at you like you’re going crazy, and you are. You really fucking are, like God couldn’t have given you 24 hours of a fucking break before he dumped the next steaming pile of dog shit on your head?   
“We need to get you back to the bunker.” Castiel says, breaking your little laughing session. “I will transport you immediately if you would like and then we will get this sorted out.”  
“No, no, absolutely not, Cas. None of that humbo-mumbo-mojo shit. We need to keep an eye on her 24/7.” Dean says, grabbing his own things. It felt nice to hear him act all protective of you, you’ve never had an older brother. “Not to mention, you’re an angel too. Aren’t you affected by all this?” Cas blinks his eyes and looks away from Dean, nodding as an answer. He looks up at you just for a moment and you feel something inside your body shudder. Cas has never looked at you that way before, not with want and desire. Of course, you’re under a spell right now and that look was completely fake.   
“Come on, the cars right outside.” Sam grabs your shoes from the floor and walks to you to put a hand on the small of your back. It’s comforting and warm and you’re grateful because without him, you don’t know if you would be able to make it there.  
You slide into the backseat of the Impala once again, Sam taking your bags from you. Cas physically opens the car door from the other side and takes a seat beside you, hoping not to startle you anymore than he already has with the information he had given you just minutes before. You sigh and put your head back, closing your eyes. Part of you is already at peace with it. It’s not like you’ve never been cursed before. On the job, you get cursed all the time. Sam and Dean get cursed all the time. Although it’s usually never a weird angel bonding sex curse, but curses that made them hack up needles and turned everything they touched into dust. Sam and Dean will find a way to reverse this spell, or at least find an angel to help you out, right? They always do. They’re the goddamn Winchesters.  
“If we are going to take this mode of transportation,” Cas starts, “we need to angel-proof this car.” He raises his hand to the roof of his Impala. A flash of power so bright blinds you temporarily and when your vision comes back, you see the scorch mark of dozens of enochian circles on the Impalas usually pristine seats and doors. The smell of burnt leather and wood wafts into your nostrils and you grimace.   
“Cas, what the fuck!” Dean yells. His hand frantically runs over the etchings on his babys dashboard and you could practically feel his anger growing. This car was everything to Dean, no matter what it went through.   
“I will remove them once we reach the bunker.” Cas informs Dean. “As long as (Y/N) stays in this vehicle with the doors closed, no angel will be able to get in.”  
“Or out, huh?” You ask. “Guess you’re stuck with me, Cas. Sorry about that.”   
“It is nothing to apologize for.” He answers. “There is no where else I would rather be.” Before you could dissect the meaning of his words, Dean revs the Impalas engine loudly and peels out of the motel parking space.  
The car ride is peaceful, filled with the sound of Dean’s multiple rock tapes. Sam clicks around on his computer, researching ancient enochian spells to find away to break your own without having to lose your virginity to an angel. You had made a joke once about Sam selling his soul for access to eternal, high speed wifi anywhere he went and it made him laugh so hard the coffee he was drinking came out of his nose. It wasn’t his soul, he informed you, but the multiple credit cards he used to buy portable wifi routers of the highest degree.   
Hours passed. You didn’t sleep, just stared out the window and sometimes at your thighs. They were bare and all you had on your feet were your black ankle socks. The shirt that Sam had thrown you was a threadbare grey tee. Even with the small amount of clothes you had on, you were starting to burn up. With a deep breath you take hold of the front of your shirt and pull it back and forth quickly, fanning yourself. Pressing your forehead to the cool glass of the Impala’s window only helped temporarily before you started getting, well, horny.  
This must be what Cas met by estrus. You took biology classes, you know what that does to a female dog. They get irritable, hot and squirmy. But you’re human, and you know that it’s affecting you differently. You feel the warmth spread from your face to your chest and all the way across your body and a strong tingle starting to rise from your lady parts. You shift in your seat to try and get rid of it but it only brings a much needed friction.   
“Your temperature is rising.” Cas states. Dean from up front turns down the music and gives you two a glance from the rearview mirror.   
“What?” You snap. “I mean, yeah I guess a bit.” You take in a deep breath and let it out, feeling something even more uncomfortable settle around your body. Your clothes seem to cling to your skin, feeling a little too tight. You look up to Cas’ face just briefly, but you eyes are stuck on him. He’s suddenly...more attractive. Cas has always been attractive, of course. You dream of sitting on that face about once a week, probably more if you’re being honest of yourself. But something is different around now. You reach up for his face, suddenly feeling the need to touch him but he doesn’t let you. The angels hand comes out to stop you, gripping you by your wrist. The touch burns your skin and you feel the temperature in your body start to rise. A need to climb onto Castiels lap and kiss him is overwhelming, but you know that’s probably not the best idea. Primal urges start to overtake your senses and even though you know the difference between whats not a good idea and what is, you don’t know if you can act on it.   
“Your cycle is starting.” Cas shifts in his seat once he lets your wrist go and clears his throat. “Sam, it may be best for us to switch seats.”  
“Why?” You ask. Did this cycle make you smell bad or something? Oh right, he probably just didn’t want to get mauled by you.   
“Likewise with animals, during your cycle you will give off certain...energies that make you...irresistible. They merely get stronger as the cycle goes on, peaking and dropping multiple times.” His jaw twitches with the explanation. “Luckily, these energies can only be detected by angels, not humans.”  
“Uh, so you’re saying you’re gonna want to jump (Y/N)’s bones?” Dean asks, slowing down the impala to pull over to the highway.  
“Essentially…. Yes.” Cas inches a bit farther away from you and for a moment your feelings are hurt. You see the slight tent he’s rocking and your eyebrows raise. You realize that whatever you body is doing, it’s making Cas feel for you in a way that’s less than appropriate, even if it was fake and magic-driven.   
“Well.” You murmur as Sam and Castiel switch seats. Sam settles beside you, long legs and computer and all as Cas sits in the front, readjusting himself. His distance makes you feel empty but a bit cooler. You settle your head onto Sam’s shoulder and watch as he scrolls through dozens of online encyclopedias and ancient texts.  
“So it says here,” Sam starts as Dean starts to drive off again. “That sometimes these bonded angels and humans build quite a good relationship.” You know he’s trying to make you feel better and you appreciate it so you hum to let him know you understand. “There had to be an attraction in order for a bond to even form. And uh, what’s this...uh, something like? Repeated copulation for sustainability?”  
“Yes.” Cas answers from the front. “Once a human is bonded with an angel, there must be at least monthly intercourse to keep the bond strong. If the bond breaks, the human will return back to being unbonded and will start the cycles of estrus once again.” You snorted.  
“So not only do I have to find an angel to have sex with me, I have to find an angel to have sex with me once a month?” You ask. The car is silent. By an angel you mean Cas. You laugh again at the absurdity. The minutes tick by.   
“You’re gonna be okay.” Dean says finally, knuckles white on the steering wheel. “We always find a way.” 

 

Cas chastises himself for locking himself with you in the car. It’s too dangerous for you to even be near him right now; an angels resolve can only last so long and the car ride was only halfway done. It took every ounce of himself to stay in the front. You smelled good. Really good. He could hear you whimpering in the back seat and Sam shushing you softly, sounds far too pleasing to his ear. As time went on your cycle did as well, turning you into a panting, heat emanating, touch starved human. You had stripped off your shirt, claiming you would literally combust if you didn’t. Sam did his best to soothe you, placing cold towels on your forehead and rubbing your back to give you as much touch as he could. They figured somewhere along the way that a good cuddle would relieve the heat inside of your body, but as a human, Sam couldn’t do much.   
Castiel was never part of the particular sect of angels that used the spell that you were inflicted by. He was always warrior of the lord, shepherd to humans. Regardless, the spell affects him and it affects him greatly. All he wants to do is stop the car, drag you out of it and kiss your lips until you can’t breathe. He doesn’t. He grips his coat and stares straight ahead into the ever changing highway, doing his best not to think of you way you moaned with relief under Sam’s touch, how he could make you feel so much better--  
“Cas?” Your voice makes Cas turn around even though in long run, he probably shouldn’t have. You’ve been saying his name periodically, but Dean was always there to remind him not to reply. Dean was distracted this time and so, Cas turned around.   
You were propped against Sam, his arm around your shoulder as your head fell to his. Your hair sticks to your skin with sweat and your chest heaves with every breath. Your skin is red and flushed, lips parted and eyes hazed over with a look of pure want. Want for him. You say his name again, a bit more of moan than you speaking. You watch him swallow thickly, and you reach out to touch his face. Castiel jerks back. You just wanted to touch his skin, you knew it would make you feel better. You extract from yourself from Sam and practically lunge towards Castiel but Sam grabs you by the waist and pulls you back down to him.  
“Whoa, there.” Sam says. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, (Y/N).”   
“Castiel, please.” You murmur. “You can help me, please. Castiel. Castiel. Cas.” His name falls out of your lips like a prayer and Cas freezes on the spot. Half of him, no, more than half of him wants to give you what you want but the better part of him knows you don’t really want this. He knows it was the spell compelling you to want him. He knows it’s not real.   
“Alright, guys!” Dean says, swerving into a lonely diner on the outskirts of a town. “We have to get some food for my baby, and food for the rest of you guys.”   
“I don’t want to leave (Y/N) here alone.” Sam says. “Just get me a salad or something and I’ll stay here with her.”  
“Alright then Cas, you’re with me.” Cas doesn’t move, just stares at you for as long as he can. Dean snaps his fingers in front of Cas’ eyes, breaking the trance. “Come on man.” Dean says gravely.   
Getting out of the car was like escaping a prison for the angel. When Cas shuts the door behind him, it cuts off the pull Cas feels towards you and he can breathe at last, albeit feeling a bit empty. Through the glass of the Impala the angel can hear your crying get louder, unhappy about the recent development. He goes ahead of Dean, practically running into the diner at full speed.   
“You okay, Cas?” Dean asks worriedly.   
“The spell is….strong. It’s affecting me more than I realized it would.” Cas manages to answer. He takes in a deep breath and lets it out. “But I am managing.”  
“Damn.” Dean lets out a breath, lips flapping. “That’s gotta be tough. It’s tough for her too.”  
“Yes, it must be extremely uncomfortable.” Cas murmurs. Dean orders a few burgers and your favorite milkshake to go. As Dean waits with Cas, he makes light conversation.  
“So, what is it like?” Dean asks. “Is it like just being super horny?” Cas’ jaw tightens as he shifts from foot to foot.  
“It is more than that. It is a need to mate.” Cas tries to explain. “She is magnetic, screaming to be touched. If I were to use an analogy, she is the milkshake that brings all the boys to the yard.” Dean chuckles at that.  
“Well, keep your hands to yourself.” He warns light heartedly. “Unless she asks you not to.”  
“What do you mean?” Cas asks.  
“Come on, Cas. You’re not stupid.” When Cas does not refute him, Dean sighs. For being an all powerful entity, Cas was damn dumb. “She likes you, Cas.” Cas doesn’t respond, merely looking at Dean for a further explanation. “She’s kind of been pining for you since we saved her. You know, long looks, light touches, regular chick flick cliches?”  
“I still….don’t understand.” Cas says. “She has not informed me of her feelings nor has she done anything to show she has feelings for me.”  
“She’s also a hunter now, and you’re an angel. I don’t blame her if she thinks nothing could ever happen anyways.”  
“But that’s not true.” The words slipped out of Cas’ lips before he could think of anything else to say. Deans face cracks into a smile and he claps Cas on the shoulder.  
    “You sly dog. I do remember Sam saying something about an underlying attraction must be there first for the spell to even work.” Dean exclaims. “You like her too?”  
“Of course, (Y/N) is a perfectly lovely girl.” Dean rolls his eyes. “But I do not believe (Y/N) has romantic feelings for me.”   
“You’re too simple, Cas.” Dean pulls out cash from his wallet and hands it to the hostess as she hands him back a bag of food. “You’ve gotta like her enough to you know, fuck her once a month at least. You know finding another angel to do that is practically impossible, considering the only angel available to us is you.”  
“Then we must find a way to break the spell.” Cas states. “I will not force myself upon her.”  
“I’m telling you man, there’s not gonna be any forcing. Did you hear her in the car?” Dean chuckles and shakes his head. “She’s moaning for you and you haven’t even touched her.”  
“It’s the spell.” Cas says in a steely tone. “Go get gas for the Impala. I will return the food to Sam and (Y/N).” Dean throws the keys to Cas with a knowing smile before he turns away.   
Cas makes his way back the car, preparing himself for the mental and physical slaughter that might be upon him. He unlocks the passenger door and slides back into his seat, slamming it quickly. He turns around and hands Sam the bag of food and holds the milkshake in his other free hand.  
“Thanks, Cas.” Sam says. You’re still sitting beside him, a little more coherent with some alone time. Even had the decency to put on a shirt and pull back your hair into a ponytail. You see your favorite flavor milkshake in Cas’ hands and he holds it out for you. Smiling you take it from him and take a sip. One can never go wrong with a milkshake.  
“Sooo good.” You say, wrapping your lips around the straw and taking in another sip. It reminds Cas of something else, something too unholy. He jerks his gaze away and sits up straight, eyes locked onto one of the chairs in the diner ahead of them.   
    “Feeling better?” Sam asks as he hands you a burger. You dig into it, suddenly ravenous. Mmm, a bacon cheeseburger. Dean knew you well.   
“Yeah, I think the worst of it is over.” You say. “But it’s a cycle right? It’s going to get worse and then better again, and then worse and then better…”  
“We will find a way to help.” Cas determines. “No matter what.”   
“Well, I kinda have to go to the bathroom so helping me has to wait for after that.” You laugh as you put your burger down, and before anyone can stop you you pop open the Impala door. As you step out you feel a hand grab your forearm and pull you out. Looking up you find a stranger, but somehow your instincts tell you they’re inhuman. It’s just a vessel staring down at you, a vessel with dead brown eyes and a head of floppy brown hair.   
“It’s you.” He says, smiling with relief. “You’re the one that’s been calling me.” A fucking angel. Great.   
“(Y/N)!” Sam is on the other side of the car in a moment, gun up, pointed at the mystery man.  
“Brother.” Cas is on the other side, staring at the person with his hand on your arm. Seeing Cas, the angel becomes defensive immediately, turning around and pulling you close to his chest by your waist, other hand tight on your throat. You hear the unmistakable sound of an angel blade fall from Castiel and you watch it come from his sleeve. He flips it once, brandishing it with a dagger, tip of the blade pointing to the ground. It was hot. Castiel fighting has always been hot, and you don’t know if it’s the weird spell that’s on you that’s making you feel like this but a heat in your stomach coils tightly.   
“Don’t you feel it, Castiel?” The voice behind you says, laced with desperation. He breathes in deeply, nose and lips in your hair. The man lets out a happy hum as he breathes out, fingers spreading on your throat. It fills you to the brim with disgust and you try to wretch away, but it’s no use. Then you feel it come back; the heat and sluggishness and need for touch. Cas must have triggered another cycle or something, fucking hell.   
“Cas.” You whisper, voice shaking. “It’s happening again.” His eyes widen slightly and you see his grip tighten on his blade.  
“Let her go.” Sam orders, taking a step forward. “We don’t want to hurt you.” The angel drags you back, your feet shuffling to follow him.  
“Brother, you must let her go.” Castiel repeats.   
“But I want her.” The angel behind you murmurs. “I’ve never wanted anything so badly. Is this what it’s like to be human? To want? Don’t you feel it Cas?”  
“I understand.” Castiel pauses and lowers his weapon, changing his tactic into talking and not fighting. “She has been cursed, brother. Nothing good can come of this.”  
“You’re only saying this to keep her to yourself.” The angel hisses, his grip tightening so much it causes you to choke. “Well you can’t have her, she’s mine now and no one is ever going to--” The gunshot that rang in the air is so loud you scrunch your eyes closed. The hand around your throat is gone and you open your eyes to find Castiel coming at you. His free hand comes up, cups your face and in a moment, in a flash, he’s transported you. You blink your eyes a few times to take in your surroundings. It’s the middle of the bunker, large wooden table to the right and Castiel standing in front of you.   
“I opted to take you straight home.” Cas says, hand still on your cheek. You reach up, touching his knuckles with your fingers ever so slightly. His hand jerks back as his eyes widen as he realizes where you guys are, completely alone. “(Y/N), you are not safe around me. I will be going now.”  
“Why?” You ask him, slightly angry. It stops him in his tracks. The heat around your head makes you hazy, lets the words that you never would have usually let out escape. “Ever since this happened, all you want to be is away from me. A girl has feelings, Cas.”  
“The spell is making you act in a way you might regret.” Cas says to you, still keeping a safe distance.   
“That’s for me to say.” You swallow the lump in your throat as your hands fist into the t-shirt you wear. Suddenly, your heart hurts. It hurts badly, like Cas had just stuck his angel blade in it and twisted. “Cas, is it that hard to sleep with me? To bond with me? Jesus, am I that terrible?” Your words strike something in him, making him feel guilty for how he’s been treating you. It shocks him at how lowly you think of yourself. Of course he wanted to lay with you, wanted to kiss you and grip your hips in his hands hard enough to bruise you.   
Another wave of heat hits you and you moan as your nether regions throb. You start to ache from the lack of touch. Your knees become weak and you fall to the floor, gripping one of the chairs at the table. You start to sweat obscenely as the cycle makes it’s way through you again, stronger this time around and moving faster. You’re pretty sure you’re wet through your clothes now, and you can practically smell your own sex in the air. God you just wanted to fuck, or to come, and you wanted to fuck Cas but you don’t know if it’s the magic or if it’s you and it’s all too confusing so you start to feel the tears prick at your eyes but you’re too exhausted to cry. You’ve cried so much.   
“You’re probably right anyways. I’m being affected by the spell, you’re being affected by the spell, this is all not real. I get it. I get it okay?” You squeeze your eyes shut, using the back of your hand to wipe away the sweat that almost falls into your eyes. “I’m just a fucking idiot, thinking you could ever want to be with me. I’m sorry okay? Like, I can’t help that I love you and I can’t help that I want to fuck you and I know the spell makes everything not real even if I think it’s real and I can’t--”   
“(Y/N).” You force your eyes open, ready to yell or scream or argue some more with the dense, dense, piece of shit you call Castiel. But with the way he’s looking at you, you feel it all melt away. He looks at you with a sort of disbelief and a bit of hope. It makes your heart jump and your panting slow.   
“What?”  
He walks to you slowly, shoes making loud sounds in the otherwise empty bunker. He comes down on both of his knees right in front of you, inches away from you and reaches up with his right hand. The moment his bare skin touches your cheek you whimper, feeling him leech away the wretched heat that was taking over. Seeing your relief Cas brings up his other hand to place at the nape of your neck and you fucking moan at his touch. You reach forward for him, trying to find a way to touch more of his bare skin.  
“(Y/N), look at me, (Y/N).” Cas says. You listen and look into his eyes. They’re soft and kind and you can’t believe because here you are, a horrible mess as he’s calm as a pond.   
“Cas?” You reply. “What is it?”  
“I don’t want to do this without first letting you know that I think I’m in love with you.” At first you laugh, because you think he’s joking but then you see that he’s not. You still laugh because you can’t believe it. Castiel, Angel of the Lord, in love with you? Bullshit. It has to be. But it’s not and Cas is looking at you really confused, eyebrows raised.  
“Are you sure?” You ask him. “Are you really, really sure? Cas, if you’re messing with me you’re gonna break my heart because I’ve been in love with you since who knows when and if you leave me after this is over, I swear to God I’ll hunt you down and stab you with your own angel--”   
It happens too fast for you to register and before you know it, he’s kissing you. His lips are warm and pliant, sending shockwaves of pleasure throughout your body. The once suffocating heat starts to burn through you like wildfire, concentrating itself between your legs. Cas kisses you like he’s about to die and you let him. His hands tangle themselves into your hair as your reach up, placing your palms on his chest. Your fingers go the tie he has on, tugging on it to loosen it. You unbutton his shirt as he watches and you skin your hands to touch his chest, his bare collarbones hot beneath your hands. He’s solid and broad, it makes you goes weak in the knees.   
“(Y/N).” He says deeply causing your heart to rumble. “I have wanted this for a very long time.”   
“Even before the spell?” You joke, pulling him back for a kiss. He doesn’t deny you, merely adding a swipe of his tongue across your lips. It causes you to hiss, to dig your fingers into the back of his neck.  
“Yes.” Cas kisses you lips chastely and moves on to your cheek, your ear, your jaw, the crook of your neck. He nips at a sensitive spot there and you practically cry. “Yes, long before.”  
“Oh, god, Cas.” You whisper, leaning your head back to give him more access.   
“Ever since we’ve met, I have wanted you.” He says the last few words in a husky voice, almost like it pained him. To hear him say what you’ve always wanted to hear makes you moan. He pulls you up with him as he stands, hands traveling down to hook behind your legs. With a small jump you have your ankles crossed behind his back. You can feel erection underneath you body and it makes you excited. You curse underneath your breath and you feel your legs starting to burn where the Enochian words were.  
“What’s happening?” You ask him as you look down. The words started to glow a bright white-blue, much like Cas’ grace.   
“The bonding ritual is starting.” He says. Cas looks at your more seriously now and leans down to kiss you soft. “You must tell me if you want to stop, or you will be bound to me for eternity.” It sounds nice to you, kind of sounds like a marriage if you were to be honest. A life with Castiel? Of course you’re going to say yes. Whether it’s on the road or in a suburban home, you want him. Whether he’s an angel or you’re cursed, you want him.  
“Don’t stop.” You whisper, leaning forward to kiss him again. He kisses you back harshly, his hands gripping your hair so tightly it hurt, but it hurt so good. “M-My room. Now.”   
Cas brings you to your room in the bunker, dropping you onto your bed not quite so gently. You bounce a bit as you look up, watching him tug off the rest of his tie as he gave you a lustful look. Your lick your lips as you watch him unbutton his always fucking clean white shirt and you reach forward to help him tug off the cotton t-shirt underneath. But before you can even touch him, Cas grabs you by your wrists and pulls you up to kiss you, tongue finding his way into your mouth. Moaning you feel his hands find their way into your sleeping shorts to pull them down with your panties as well.   
Jesus you are wet. You can feel the stickiness between your legs, leaking onto your thighs. Cas takes in a sharp breath when his fingers reach down, fingers instantly drenched in your juices even before he could touch you inside. Cas grips your shoulder and pushes you back down onto the bed, pulling your pants and underwear past your ankles to throw it somewhere across the room. You watch slowly as he falls to his knees in front of you, stripping off the rest of his shirt and reaching forward to touch the top of your thighs. You say his name inquisitively, kind of knowing what he was going to do but unsure if he even knew what he’s going to do.   
“(Y/N).” The angel grabs your thighs tightly and kisses the inside of your left knee. It brings goosebumps to your skin. He pulls you forward to the edge of the bed, moving your legs to hang over his shoulders. He places another kiss on the inside of your thigh over the enochian markings and you see a smile spread across his lips. “When I’m done with you,” He starts, moving to your other thigh. “my name will be etched here for everyone to see.”  
“Yours.” You whisper. He emphasizes his agreement with a bite to your skin.  
“Mine.” Cas growls animalistically and leans down, placing the flat of his tongue directly on your clit. You swear loudly as the first wave of pleasure rushes through you, causing you to arch your back and your legs to constrict around his head. Cas pries you open easily and continues to work your clit with his tongue and lips, not letting up for even a second.   
“C-Cas!” You whimper, reaching down to grip at his hair. He hums in response and the vibrations make your legs shake in return. Cas licks you from bottom to stop, flicking his tongue across your clit at the end. You feel his hand leave your thigh to reach below his mouth and slowly you feel him insert a finger into you. A moan leaves your lips as he curls his finger in a come-here motion, hitting a sweet sweet spot inside of you. It causes your abdominal muscles to contract and the coil in your lower stomach to wind up even tighter.   
    Hearing your approval Cas adds another finger and looks up to see your reaction. You barely even notice with one hand in his hair and the other fisting into the sheets of your bed. He sees your chest heave, still clothed and with his free hand he reaches up to grip your breast. He curls his fingers again and you throw your head back at the sensation. He does it again and again, pausing to press up on your g-spot as he tongues your clit.  
    “Fuck.” You swear, breathing heavily. “I’m so close, just a bit more, oh fuck, fuck, please, Cas, please.” Cas complies, pumping his fingers in and out of you faster as he sucks on your clit. When you come the orgasm takes over your body and you practically scream his name, eyes scrunching together so tightly you see spots on the back of your eyelids. The waves of pleasure ripple over you continuously as Cas continues to lap at your wetness, determined to make this last as long as possible. When you finally come down you’re panting fast with Cas kissing your lower stomach, hands massaging your trembling thighs.   
    “You enjoyed that.” Cas states with a smirk on his lips as he crawls up to you on the bed. Laughing you nod, trying to catch your breath at the same time. He takes a hold of the bottom of your shirt and pulls it up, capturing your lips in a kiss once it’s off. You moan, tasting yourself on his lips and tongue.   
    “Your turn.” You let him know, reaching down between the two of you. Cas smiles into the kiss you two are sharing as you unbuckle his pants before taking a hold of your wrist and stopping you. Confused you look at him, eyebrows knit together. “Do you want to stop…?”  
    “Clothes are so hindersome, don’t you think, (Y/N)?” Cas murmurs into your lips. Instinctively you close your eyes as he kisses you sweetly and then a snap of his fingers rings in your ears. In a split second your clothes are gone. Cold air hits your breasts but Cas’s warm mouth is on your nipple before you can do anything. His name falls from your lips as a praise and he hums in appreciation. He laps at your skin, fingers playing with the hardening nubs on your chest until you squirm underneath him. He releases your nipple with a pop and soon, his chest is pressed to yours as his head dips to the nape of your neck, pressing warm open mouthed kisses into your skin.   
    “Oh wow.” You say, wrapping your legs around his bare waist. You feel his desire press into your stomach, hot and throbbing. Experimentally he ruts into you, dragging himself across the softness of your skin. You run your hands down his back, scratching your nails lightly as he does it again, faster this time. You feel yourself throb down below, aching for his touch. You lift him a bit so you wrap your hands around his dick and he audibly hisses in your ear. He’s so hot in your hands and heavy as well. Cas isn’t extremely big and for that you are grateful, but you know he’s big enough to stretch you out.   
    “(Y/N),” Cas says to you, his voice so soft you can barely hear it. He thrusts into your hand and it makes your head spin, the fact that you’re able to make him unravel like this. You spread your legs and pull him down so instead of thrusting against your stomach he can drag himself across your wetness.   
    “Yeah?” You breathe, continuing your administrations, moving your hips just so.   
    “I-I don’t want to hurt you.” He says, kissing your temple and lifting himself. You protest with a whine and inch closer to him. He stays on his knees and you take a hold of him, angling so that he could enter you if he just leaned forward.   
    “Then go slow.” You answer, bringing your face to his. You kiss him with all you’ve got, pulling his hips to you. You hear him sigh your name again and god, you know you could listen to him say your name forever.   
    Cas sinks into you slowly, just like you said and peppers kisses on your face as he does so. A little moan bubbles up from your throat as your body tries to adapt to the foreign object but it doesn’t hurt, far from it. It feels so good, better than any time you’ve done it for yourself. When he’s completely inside, Cas pauses for you, unsure if he’s hurt you but you’re all ready for him to move.   
    “Cas, move.” You order, wiggling your hips.  
“You’re not hurt?” He asks you. He complies and pulls back out only to enter you just as slowly as before. Cas rocks deeply into you, taking his sweet fucking time with long strokes. It’s not enough for you and squirm underneath him.  
“No, fucking hell, Cas. Faster, please.”  
“If that’s what you want,” He whispers, kissing you deeply. “That’s what you’ll get.” Cas drives into you deeper, his hands traveling down to grip you at your waist. He picks up his pace as he snaps his hips into yours and the pleasure blooms inside you. Your hands go forward to pull him toward you for a kiss but that’s when you lay your eyes on the marks started to form on his bicep. They glow as they dance across his skin and you see the markings on your own skin start to glow.   
“C-Cas, whats happening?” You ask him, breathless. He leans forward and kisses you.  
“You’re becoming bound to me.” He answers, kissing you again. “Are you ready?”  
“Yes, yes.” You answer, even if you’re unsure for what. You kiss him back fervently, wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him down back to you. He shifts slightly and suddenly he’s pressing up against that sweet spot inside you once again. You cry out and he merely drives into you harder, bringing you closer to your orgasm again.  
“(Y/N), I’m going to--”  
“Yes, inside, Cas, it’s fine.” You whisper, throwing you head back. Your proposition brings forth something animalistic something in him. He can feel his own release coming but he knows you're close so he holds off and plows into you like there is no tomorrow. Cas reaches down for that magical little nub and swirls his thumb around it. That’s it for you. You fall over the edge as your second orgasm of the night overcomes you and your mouth opens in a soundless cry. The feeling of you clenching around him brings Cas to his peak as well and he empties himself deep inside you.  
You feel the magic making it’s way through your body as Cas extracts himself from your body, rolling to the side and leaving an arm around your waist. He lays on his side, cheek pressed on your shoulder as you try and catch your breath. He waves a hand over your nether regions and any kind of left over stickiness just disappears. You lift one of your legs to take a look at whats left of the spell and find that the markings have changed. It’s less of a huge paragraph now, just a single line of a set of letters repeating.  
“It states that you are bound to me now.” Castiel informs you. “My name is on your skin, on your soul.” You look over to him. There’s a look of satisfaction and smugness on his face and it causes you to smirk.   
“What does it say here?” You ask, reaching up to his arm.   
“That’s your name.” He answers huskily. Castiel leans forward to kiss you, deeply and lovingly and it makes your body sing. “I am bound to you as well.”  
“That’s hot.” He chuckles at your statement but soon becomes serious. He gets up on his forearm and reaches forward to tuck a stray hair behind your ear, stroking your face.   
“(Y/N), what we just did, it’s ancient magic.” Castiel says gently. “I hope you do not regret it.”  
“Why would I? Do...you?”   
“No, of course not. It’s the only thing I’ve done so far in the past few years that has felt wholly right.” Cas confesses. It makes your chest hot and warm again and briefly you wonder if the words he says are ever going to make your heart stop beating so fast.   
“Then we’re fine.” You say, bringing him down for a kiss. He kisses you back as if it was the last time he’s ever going to kiss you and it makes your heart ache. You can’t believe he loves you like this but it makes you deliriously happy.  
“I love you.” Cas promises you. “I do, (Y/N), I need you to know.”  
“I love you, too.” You reply, a smile blooming across your lips. “Wow, I love you. Is this really happening?”  
“Yes.” He whispers into another kiss. “Yes, this is real. I’m bound to you.”


End file.
